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Where are most of my messages gone out of this forum??!!

Two nuns were driving their car through Transylvania when suddenly Count Dracula lands on the bonnet, snarling at them through the windscreen. "Quick, show him your cross!" screamed one of the nuns. The second nun leaned out the window and yelled, "OI YOU TW^T, GET OFF ME F**KING CAR"

A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman. "Is there a problem, Officer?" "Yes, madam, you were speeding." "Really?" "May I see your licence please?" "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "Don't have one?" "Nope. Lost it after drunk driving four times." " I see...May I see...

Dear Cretins, I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and...

I have been having major problems....with my bb connection...well...it is better,thankfully !! But...(always a but...lol) I can't change the MTU....I have downloaded DRTCP, but this still hasn't set the value of 1500....I keep re-doing tests and the MTU is coming back as 1300... I have changed...

I'm sorry peeps...but...this is the end...of a beautiful beginning.... http://www.ladybwear.com/lastpageontheinternet.htm

I'm sure you can imagine As plain as you can be The place is Picadilly The player He and She She whispered "Will it hurt me?" "Of course not" answered he "It's a very simple process, You can rely on me." She said "I'm frightened, I've not had this before. My friend has had it five...

Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why you bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the facts, get on your knees You know you've got a job...

Things I hate about everybody.... by Billy 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their árse to search the entire...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf course clubhouse. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather...

David Beckham goes to a drinks machine, puts a pound in and gets a bottle of coke. He does the same thing and gets another bottle. Ten minutes later he`s still standing there, surrounded by bottles of coke, when Ferguson tells him to get a move on as he`s late for training. Beckham says...

A train hits a busload of schoolgirls and they all perish.They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. St. Peter asks first girl, "Sharon, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my...

You've probably seen this before, but it always makes me smile! Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following is An excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor forceseveryone to assume new...

One Wish A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over...

Sent to me today - I have no way of verifying its accuracy (or intend to) - its just funny! All too rarely, Australian airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard...

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard. And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order...

Go to www.google.com then type: weapons of mass destruction Don't press Search!! Click the "I'm feeling lucky" button - read the error message very

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach...

The proper way to re-boot...

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are. DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas. NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me) MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and...