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An Italian man was in... An Italian man was in a bad car accident and after months of recovery he still has a problem. He has to have his penis amputated. He goes to see the doctor and the doctor reassures him that he can help him. "First of all you have to pick a new penis" says the doctor...

Four sisters were standing in line inside the huge, empty cathedral waiting to go to confession. The first sister goes in and goes through her act of contrition. The Father says to her, "Tell me, Sister Kathleen, what are your sins?" Sister Kathleen replies, "Father, I saw a handsome young man...

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance, their seats were next to the elephant pen. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that."...

These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.) Q: Do female frogs croak? A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water...

There were these two twins named Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old fishing boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the very same day that Joe's old boat sank. A kindly old woman saw Joe one day, and mistaking him for John said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss, you...

the drunk in the confessional A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the...

The Cowboy and the Indian were riding on the range one day. The two came to a stop, where the Indian jumped off his horse and put his head on the ground to listen to see if anyone was coming. After a few seconds he rose and said "Buffalo come." The Cowboy was amazed and proclaimed "Damn you...

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. Eventually little Johnny's turn came. Little Johnny walked...

Seven year old Susie went .......... Seven year old Susie went to her dad, who was working in the yard, and asked, "Daddy, what is sex?" He thought, well, is she interested in this already? Then he decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a...

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel. Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans. Therefore, a...

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for...

A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer. The dish is spaghetti with...

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the seat and balances his little penis on the rim. Just then the toilet seat slams down and Little Johnny lets out a scream. His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room...

Stanley had been a waiter ever since he was in high school. Now in his fifties, he still served people their meals in the same restaurant he loved so dearly. One day, though, Stanley suffered a fatal heart attack. His grief-stricken wife, Fannie, was also a firm believer in spiritualism, and...

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Please help...

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen. So he asked, "God, are you listening?" And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here."...

A fancy lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with shit, crossed her path. "Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying...

Little Johnny was all out of sorts one morning. When his father asked him what the problem was the kid said, "I'm mad at mommy, cause she eats birds." His father said he didn't know what Little Johnny was talking about. Little Johnny replied, "I was up late last night and heard noises coming...

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and...

Little Ricky comes home after school one day and tells his father: "Dad, I'm not a virgin anymore". "Hey, congratulations!", says Dad. That calls for a drink. So Dad gets out his best bottle of Scotch and pours one for his son and for himself. "Now, tell me son", he asks, still beaming with...