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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways...

The British Government's policy of socialised medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father - a...

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering...

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and <poof!> she's gone...

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother,and said, here - try these on." So, she did and said, "These are...

One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man: "Sir. I really need you to do me a favour, I have to get off this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So...

A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the hay crop to fertilize it. The kid says, "Hey, Pop - I learned in college that there is an easier way to do everything." They go into town and get some dynamite. They're gonna...

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me." Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips...

Attracting girls ( rude ) An Irishman was in the South of France, and could not understand why Pierre had attracted all the girls at the beach and he pulled nothing. So he asked Pierre, "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?" Pierre said "It's because I wear a Speedo bathing suit...

A cowboy meets an Indian and says to him: "Hey, you have a very nice dog. Do you mind if I talk to him?" "Dog no talk," replies the Indian. The cowboy: "Hey dog, how are you doing?" "I'm doing just fine," replies the dog, The Indian is shocked. The cowboy: "Is this Indian treating you well?"...

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. 3. I read recipes the...

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking...

A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for speeding. Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car...

Perry fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldn't believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man. Perry threw himself...

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant. The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the...

A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging Jeff's shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. Jeff was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. "You wanna wank?", she...

1 How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2 Which country makes Panama hats? 3 From which animal do we get catgut? 4 In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5 What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6 The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal 7 What was...

Little Johnny joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news...

Screaming on the toilet A guy is sitting in a bar drunk. He asks the bartender where the toilet is. The bartender tells him that it's down the hall and to the right. The man leaves the bar to use the toilet. A couple of minutes later, the bar patrons hear a loud scream, and they wonder what is...